I've heard of hand, foot, and mouth disease. Lots of children get it. There's also a very embarrassing condition known as foot-in-mouth disease. Lots of adults get it. I had a case of it today. Let me explain.
I put my foot in my mouth today, as the old saying goes. This morning, I ran into a man I hadn't seen in several years. I used to work with his wife. I wasn't sure if he remembered me. So, I said, "Your wife's name is "Jane", right? I used to work with her." He said, "No, I don't have a wife anymore, she left me." I felt soooo bad. What do you say at that point? I was embarrassed for putting my foot in my mouth by bringing up an uncomfortable subject. So, I went with the standard, "Well, I'm sorry to hear that."
Note to self: In the future, don't assume people are still together. Just say hello and leave it at that!
A friend texted me from work recently to share how they had just put their foot into their mouth. My friend asked a co-worker if she was pregnant (because her tummy was all poked out)...and she wasn't! Ouch!
Note to everyone: Never, ever assume anyone is pregnant. If they are and they want you to know, they'll tell you. Otherwise, don't even go there!
Sometimes other people put their foot in their mouth regarding YOU! That's a little more fun..but barely. My youngest son was born on a Sunday. The Monday night of the next week, eight days later, I went to a PTO meeting at school. Someone walked up to me and said, "Girl, when are you going to have that baby?" What could I say? I just smiled weakly and said, "He's at home with Grandma".
One night this week, I did not get enough sleep and I felt tired the next day and apparently, looked tired as well. I met with a client at work who is mentally challenged. When I met him outside, I greeted him and made a comment about how the wind was blowing my hair and messing it up. He said, "Yeah, and your eyes look bad, too".
Note to self: Children and mentally challenged people will tell you exactly what they think about the way you look. If you don't want to know what they think, keep your mouth shut!
Obviously, when it comes to kids or mentally challenged individuals, we have to overlook anything they might say about us. But as adults, what is our excuse? A good rule of thumb for adults to remember is the famous line uttered by mothers for many years, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all".
A few years ago, I was picking up a pizza and ran into a former co-worker in the pizza restaurant. He and I had worked together in another pizza restaurant when I was in high school and college. This guy was somewhat "different", a bit eccentric you might say. (I'm being as nice as possible). After he walked to the back of the restaurant, the man operating the cashier made a negative comment about my former co-worker. I laughed and said, "Yeah, he and I used to work together. He's a real character. Is he still married to that crazy lady?" The man operating the cash register said, "Yeah, she's my sister."
Okay....what have we learned from this experience? First of all, don't talk negatively about people. Nothing good comes of it. Second of all, if someone else is talking negatively, that doesn't mean its a good idea for you to join in. Thirdly...this is Johnston County, people. Everybody is related. Keep your mouth shut! LOL!(Just kidding!) In all seriousness, the bottom line is this...what I said was mean-spirited and I had no business saying it. I had to get embarrassed in order to learn my lesson.
Now, my next piece of advice is strong. So take a deep breath. Okay, are you ready? Here goes:
If you ever have to say, "Well, if you ask me...." that probably means that nobody asked you!
That was rough, I know, but its good advice. Everybody does not want or need to know what you think about everything. Some things are best kept to yourself. How did I gain so much "wisdom" on this subject? Because I've messed this one up so much! Proverbs actually says that only a fool vents all his feelings. In another scripture, Proverbs also says that even a fool seems wise when he remains silent. Once your words are uttered, you can never take them back. You may apologize, (and there are times that you should!)but you can never completely repair the damage that words can do. Think before you speak. Often, you may need to pray before you speak! You may find that God wants you to remain silent.
Proverbs 18:13
He who answers before listening- that is his folly and his shame.
Finally, there are some situations where a Christian does need to speak up. If you are aware of situations where someone is in danger, someone is being hurt, if it involves illegal activity or anything regarding harming a child, then its probably a good situation for you to speak up or get involved. Otherwise, stay out of it! Do not get involved in other people's petty arguments, verbal disagreements, etc. If you hear someone talking about another person, its not your job to go and tell the person that you heard someone talking about them. That is only going to stir up more hard feelings.
Proverb 6:16-19 says
These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
An heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.
The Bible actually says that God hates it when people stir up trouble among Christians. That's strong!
Christians have no business spreading gossip. If someone has shared one of their struggles with you recently, do not spread it. Be a person of integrity and keep confident the things they asked you to keep confident.
Proverbs 11:12-13
A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 says: Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
If you have concerns about a situation involving another person, pray about it first. Ask for wisdom, ask God to intervene in the situation. We are supposed to encourage people and lift them up. In most situations, if it is not speaking life into a situation, remain silent. Don't speak negatively into someone's life.
However, there may be unavoidable situations where you have to give someone bad news. You may have to tell someone that you have discovered their teenager is doing something illegal or dangerous that they need to know about. You may have to tell someone that one of their relatives has a substance abuse problem. If the reason that you are telling the person is in order that someone might get the help they need, then you are on the right track. Pray and ask God to give you the grace to help you deliver the news.
As a social worker, I have had to deliver difficult news to families that I worked with. That is never easy. I always made a point to ask God to give me the right words to say and to prepare the person's heart to take the news well. If you have bad news to deliver, consider praying to prepare yourself before beginning the conversation.
(Random Free Advice: If anyone ever comes to you and says, "people have been coming up to me and saying so and so about you"... I'm telling you right now, mark my words, you can take it to the bank...the person that just told you that has been talking about you. Learned that one the hard way many years ago. Trust me on this one.)
Being the bearer of bad news is not an easy job. Being the receiver of bad news is no picnic, either. If you have received bad news recently, spend some extra time in prayer and ask God for His picture of the situation.
Things always look differently from a heavenly point of view!
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